Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
