Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
