she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
