His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize