Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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