y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
bring money and cleavage
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
