Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
