Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
