he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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