I'm really into asian looking animals
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
