If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
