So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
