Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
