I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
