Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
