dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
