I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
