In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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