I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize