i was born a porn star she said
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Drunk is a universal language darling
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