Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Terrible idea I love it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize