you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
