i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
