i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
