I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
