I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize