You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize