I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
