The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
