I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize