2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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