I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
