I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize