she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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