I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
