it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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