I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
