Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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