He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
