i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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