i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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