just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize