Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
