Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
