We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
