There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
