Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I sprained my soul last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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