I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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