There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
porn star boner night. come get it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
