So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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