Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
