i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
