I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
