I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
