Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
