i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
