i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
