Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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