So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize