yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize