The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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