i just wanna soil my oats bro
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
