How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
