you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
