Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
