the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
