I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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