Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
