So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
