my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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