I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize