I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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