I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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